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Written by Dodger Alton
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Tuesday, 20 May 2008 |
A "How to" Guide to giving away How to Guides
Includes all the basics of devising, developing and marketing a surefire winner of a free supplement.
Learn "How To":
* Cynically exploit market research
* Crudely research the findings of academics into pithy précis
* Use paper in a way totally at odds with the brand's pro-environment image
* Separate the precious cargo in a plastic bag all of its own
* Irritate readers most of whom now recognise that Times-style bigger isn't necessarily better
* Cultivate that true Clapham omnibus approach - be down with the kids, the youth, fifty-quid man, yummy-mummy, the nifty 50s, Worcester Wanker, anal virgins, Mondeo Mange etc.
In addition, Our How To into "How To" Guides comes free this week with:
How to... Be A Consumer
The first among equals of consumpti-companions is a 16-part series available on the first Wednesday of every third week, but not the second Thursday of each fifth concurrent week (co-axially!)
Includes extracts from Tony Parsons' brilliant new book: Why Consumers Is Class:
Chapter One - I Thought the Law
"Billy always thought of himself as different. Every time he went down the Spar his brain would flex out to the sound of the latest Walls bangers commercial. He knew these things mattered to the working classes he had been born with but, somehow, his world was going to be better and if his friends wanted to catch a ride, they were welcome to but they'd better have their fares ready...
Next week: Billy imagines a race of small businessmen with FTSE 100 tattoos.
Hot stuff ay y'all peeps?
And you'll surely jack your eroti-body all over this poster:
Consumer Types - match the letters to the celebrity and move forward to Michael Barrymore's Bargain House for a few consumer surprises!
Don't worry. We haven't forgotten the CD either Martin Clunes reads
Buying Shrewd: 20 Steps to Consumer Nirvana
Not completely satisfied? Then email here to be ignored by our exclusive NO monitor - it detects a reason not to reply before you've thought it, so you don't even have to think about it!
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